1. When she asks you how she looks, shrug and say "could be better". This will keep her on her toes. And girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or, if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words '**** you' and grab the other girls ***. Girls love competition.

4. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs...they love to be roughed up.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement. And every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things...they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussies and Dagenham ladies.

7. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say 'you better be'. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket...because then YOU might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny.

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait ten minutes then jump up and scream in her ear! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things, like basketball.

15. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

16. Every time you're in her house, steal one of the following: one shoe, one earring, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. That way she'll go crazy.

17. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love spontaneity.

18. Give her one of your t-shirts...and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

19. Titty twisters. And plenty of them.

20. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. She'll think you're mysterious.

21. Remember her birthday but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

22. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or whenever...take it and tell her you love it. The next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

 

wow... you must be single

 

Ha ha no, and i do a few things on that list as well. UK girls love it

 

These 2 are by far the funniest

 

holy **** some of those are great

 

i always wondered what your secret with the ladies was lee!

 

This lesson is free, the next 5 are at a 80% rate and i'll do 10 more at 65%

I'm doing a good deal at the min as the weather is crap and the girlys are not so easy this time of year

 

Haha, funny stuff........but.......its woman, not women....LOL..

 

Women, woman, dog, bitch, hoe..... same thing

 

+1 agreed

 

that comment is gonna get me in trouble i can tell already

 

....tramp, ****........Ok, I see your point...LOL

 

Thats true. But this is why i've never let my girl learn to read. There is no need for her to read or write. She cleans, makes stuff and fixes things and she sucks and swollows. At no point is she needed to read or write

 

^^^roflmao!!!

 

bwahahahahahaha how true

 

Lee,

You're all talk on here but i'd love her to read this, do you enjoy single life?

You might have to

 

that is

 

ludo your talents are wasted on stunting ever thaught of doing one of those jerry springer type shows with your skills in how to treat ya woman & marriage guidance your a natural, perhaps you could have a link from this site to ask uncle ludo and charge everyone for your time.:YEAH

 

Cheers Lee,

My bitch is trying to divorce me. I'll take on board your hints and tips and keep you posted.

 

Glad you all liked it. I came home today and she was trying to turn the pc on.
I said "oi you stupid cow, thats the TV remote, it wont work the pc screen















































P.s. i'm only joking lol, she'll kill me if she see's this