The CODE for men!
12-27-2003, 03:31 AM
#1
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Tampa,FL
Posts: 210
The CODE for men!
Ok, us guys are all familliar with the code right? Well, how many actually know the code? Here is the most of what I could find, put together in a nice list. If anyone else has anything to add, please post.
Take the time to read, its good!
1: Thou shalt not rent Chocolat.
2: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
3 (The Sergeant Schultz Rule): When queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move furniture: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move furniture: You’d rather stay home and watch Speed Buggy reruns.
6 (The Tuxedo Cloaking Rule): A best-man toast must not include any of the following phrases: “down in Tijuana,” “improbably booting out his nose,” “mostly scabbed over,” or “energetic Greco-Roman cluster****.”
7: You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshazzbut. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)
8: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
9: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
10: The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1–10 scale.
11: Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature’s unsuitable.
12: A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own—weed whacker, car, firstborn child—with 12 hours’ notice. If he damages the item, he must repair it within seven days, even if it means selling his plasma. Exception: If you don’t notice the damage at the hand-off, he gets away scot-free.
13 (The Patton Principle): Falling on a grenade for a buddy (i.e., agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he’s trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up bonking the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
14: Do not torpedo single friends: If you’re married and a pal drops by with a date, do not, even after your sixth vodka, blurt out, “So, when are you two gonna walk the plank?” Punishment: Following the assembly instructions for your rug rats’ toys for two years.
15: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
16 (The Hand-off Catechism): Before dating a buddy’s ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return, is required to grant it. But he’s fully within his rights to say, “Man, are you gonna love the way she licks your *********.”
17: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
18: If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem—you didn’t see nothin’.
19: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.)
20: The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. The reward formula is as follows: (hours of labor) x (number of boxes) x (flights of stairs) ÷ dollars, in hundreds, of damage to belongings = beers owed. Bonus for the friend who owns the truck: first crack at that hot new neighbor chick.
21: You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
22: While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals’ significant *********—low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. (Sorry, ladies: It’s called a double standard because it’s twice as true.)
23: Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.
24: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
25 (The Mercy Rule): When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny, loser friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.
26 (Gas Warfare Act): You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you’ve brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
27: It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach…and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.
28: When in a bar that has a ratio of more than five waiting customers per bartender, limit orders to beer and straight liquor. (No, your girlfriend does not need a frozen flying grasshopper with a twist of grapefruit.)
29: Only in a situation of mortal and/or *** peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the *********.
30: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
31 (The Body Heat Rule): A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
32: The third, fourth, and fifth rules of Fight Club: If your buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If during the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think What this guy needs is a good ***-whupping, you may stand back and enjoy.
33: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
34 (The Golden Rule): Move your feet, lose your seat. This rule has survived many challenges and supersedes all childish “pee breaks are safe” local ordinances.
35: When picking players for a sports team, it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes—as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sidelines.
36: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
37: Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.
38: Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
• “Yeah, baby, push it!”
• “C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
• “Another set and we can hit the showers.”
• “Nice ***. Are you a Sagittarius?”
39: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
40: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible “I recognize you” nod is all the conversation you need.
41: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you’re able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; hang up if necessary.
42: You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may, however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with Limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor’s broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.
43: When receiving oral sex while driving, always:
• Wear your seat belt.
• Close the sunroof.
• Smile.
• Make extended eye contact with as many women in other cars as possible.
44: If one guy is already singing along with a song on the car radio, you may not chime in, even if it’s the chorus to “Wooly Bully.” Better response: Tell him to shut his pie hole.
45: If you catch your woman screwing your best friend, let your state’s crimes-of-passion laws be your guide.
46: When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid, either.
47: Things you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SATs, and your resumé. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.
48: Before allowing a drunken pal to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “**** off!” you are absolved of responsibility. Remember: Later on you will have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.
49 (The Skank Rule): You may swear friends to secrecy about a sexual escapade only if there’s a chance the woman in question will become your girlfriend. If you’re imprudent enough to get caught bagging an undesirable female, then the anecdote will stay in the guy public domain right through your bachelor party. Don’t beg; it’s unseemly.
50: The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
51: Always split aces and eights. No arguments.
52. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.
53. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other
than a year
54. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)
55. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.
56. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale.
57. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.
58. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)
59. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.
60. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.
61. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
62. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.
63. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the ********* with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.
64. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.
65. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.
66. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.
67. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.
68. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)
69. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.
70. There is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)
71. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tighty's. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.
72. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.
73. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.
74. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be perceived as a mattress.
a. If a bed must be shared – HEAD TO TOE IS THE ONLY WAY, each with your own set of blankets!
75. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.
76. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.
77. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil, even when the other guy has a broken arm
78. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.
79. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary...
80. If you say ouch, you are a *****!
81. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)
82. Before attempting to assemble anything, you must hold the ritual "burning of the directions"
83. Beer was also meant to be consumed in the shower, you also get extra points if your beer is consumed by a female who is showering with you.
84. If you spend time with a girl on a regular basis and she loves your company but would never have sex with you, then you are her "gay friend."
85. Don't be that guy....you know who I'm talking about. That guy who breaks all these rules
86. Under no circumstance should a man wear pink. Period
87. Always offer to buy the first round for your boys. If you don't buy the first round cause a buddy beat you to it, buy the second round or third, etc.
88. If in a locker room, or other area where there are men lacking clothing, comments must never be made on another person's boxers or other undergarments, for it means that you were looking.
89. When one man gets laid, all mankind gets laid. Help your buddy close the deal using ANY means at your disposal.
90. Be wary of committing to chicks that have a lot of good-looking guy friends. However, a guy is encouraged to have many hot friends that are girls, not because you care about their friendship, but because hot girls have other hot friends that become viable targets for your pleasure.
90. If you and a buddy go out drinking and he comes back to your place and throws up you're not allowed to complain unless
a) the value of the property he threw up on is more than a hundred dollars total or
b) the stain isnt cleaned within 24 hours
91. The only thing a man can brag about what is the smallest, is his cell phone.
92. Maximum allowable time in a mall: 1 hour. Grocery Store: 10min, if you can find the way out.
93. You are not required to offer your bed to another guy, even if it means they sleep on the cold concrete floor
94. Skinny dipping with other guys is just wrong, unless there are chicks too, and you don’t look at your buddy.
95. Watching ESPN is a good enough excuse for just about anything, especially missing a date
96. Two guys must never sit together in the back seat of a car while it is off, unless the front seats are taken
97. When the ratio of guys to hot chicks at a party is 10:1, its time to go
98. Ordering pizza should take a max of 1 minute per pizza
99. If your TV breaks during the superbowl, it is perfectly acceptable to knock on a stranger’s door and ask to borrow their TV
Again if you have anything you think that should be added, please post up.. im sure theres some Motorcycle related ones we can conjure up.
Take the time to read, its good!
1: Thou shalt not rent Chocolat.
2: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
3 (The Sergeant Schultz Rule): When queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move furniture: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident. Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend of a friend move furniture: You’d rather stay home and watch Speed Buggy reruns.
6 (The Tuxedo Cloaking Rule): A best-man toast must not include any of the following phrases: “down in Tijuana,” “improbably booting out his nose,” “mostly scabbed over,” or “energetic Greco-Roman cluster****.”
7: You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshazzbut. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.)
8: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
9: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
10: The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1–10 scale.
11: Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature’s unsuitable.
12: A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own—weed whacker, car, firstborn child—with 12 hours’ notice. If he damages the item, he must repair it within seven days, even if it means selling his plasma. Exception: If you don’t notice the damage at the hand-off, he gets away scot-free.
13 (The Patton Principle): Falling on a grenade for a buddy (i.e., agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he’s trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up bonking the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
14: Do not torpedo single friends: If you’re married and a pal drops by with a date, do not, even after your sixth vodka, blurt out, “So, when are you two gonna walk the plank?” Punishment: Following the assembly instructions for your rug rats’ toys for two years.
15: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
16 (The Hand-off Catechism): Before dating a buddy’s ex, you are required to ask his permission; and he, in return, is required to grant it. But he’s fully within his rights to say, “Man, are you gonna love the way she licks your *********.”
17: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
18: If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem—you didn’t see nothin’.
19: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your best buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.)
20: The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer. The reward formula is as follows: (hours of labor) x (number of boxes) x (flights of stairs) ÷ dollars, in hundreds, of damage to belongings = beers owed. Bonus for the friend who owns the truck: first crack at that hot new neighbor chick.
21: You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
22: While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pals’ significant *********—low-level sports bonding is all the law requires. (Sorry, ladies: It’s called a double standard because it’s twice as true.)
23: Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.
24: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
25 (The Mercy Rule): When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny, loser friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.
26 (Gas Warfare Act): You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you’ve brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.
27: It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach…and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.
28: When in a bar that has a ratio of more than five waiting customers per bartender, limit orders to beer and straight liquor. (No, your girlfriend does not need a frozen flying grasshopper with a twist of grapefruit.)
29: Only in a situation of mortal and/or *** peril are you allowed to kick another member of the male species in the *********.
30: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
31 (The Body Heat Rule): A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
32: The third, fourth, and fifth rules of Fight Club: If your buddy is outnumbered, outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If during the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think What this guy needs is a good ***-whupping, you may stand back and enjoy.
33: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
34 (The Golden Rule): Move your feet, lose your seat. This rule has survived many challenges and supersedes all childish “pee breaks are safe” local ordinances.
35: When picking players for a sports team, it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes—as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sidelines.
36: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.
37: Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a buddy of yours, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.
38: Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
• “Yeah, baby, push it!”
• “C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
• “Another set and we can hit the showers.”
• “Nice ***. Are you a Sagittarius?”
39: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
40: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible “I recognize you” nod is all the conversation you need.
41: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you’re able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; hang up if necessary.
42: You cannot rat out a coworker who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may, however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with Limburger cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor’s broken, and have him paged over the loudspeaker every seven minutes.
43: When receiving oral sex while driving, always:
• Wear your seat belt.
• Close the sunroof.
• Smile.
• Make extended eye contact with as many women in other cars as possible.
44: If one guy is already singing along with a song on the car radio, you may not chime in, even if it’s the chorus to “Wooly Bully.” Better response: Tell him to shut his pie hole.
45: If you catch your woman screwing your best friend, let your state’s crimes-of-passion laws be your guide.
46: When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of getting laid, either.
47: Things you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SATs, and your resumé. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.
48: Before allowing a drunken pal to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “**** off!” you are absolved of responsibility. Remember: Later on you will have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.
49 (The Skank Rule): You may swear friends to secrecy about a sexual escapade only if there’s a chance the woman in question will become your girlfriend. If you’re imprudent enough to get caught bagging an undesirable female, then the anecdote will stay in the guy public domain right through your bachelor party. Don’t beg; it’s unseemly.
50: The morning after you and a babe who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
51: Always split aces and eights. No arguments.
52. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him aware of it.
53. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated in an interval other
than a year
54. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)
55. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.
56. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the 1-10 scale.
57. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.
58. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)
59. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.
60. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.
61. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
62. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if its with a girlfriend.
63. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the ********* with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.
64. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.
65. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, and will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.
66. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.
67. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.
68. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)
69. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.
70. There is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception: when you are participating in a organized sporting event)
71. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear whitey tighty's. It still escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.
72. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.
73. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.
74. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be perceived as a mattress.
a. If a bed must be shared – HEAD TO TOE IS THE ONLY WAY, each with your own set of blankets!
75. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.
76. If you jiggle more than twice, your playing with it.
77. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil, even when the other guy has a broken arm
78. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.
79. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary...
80. If you say ouch, you are a *****!
81. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)
82. Before attempting to assemble anything, you must hold the ritual "burning of the directions"
83. Beer was also meant to be consumed in the shower, you also get extra points if your beer is consumed by a female who is showering with you.
84. If you spend time with a girl on a regular basis and she loves your company but would never have sex with you, then you are her "gay friend."
85. Don't be that guy....you know who I'm talking about. That guy who breaks all these rules
86. Under no circumstance should a man wear pink. Period
87. Always offer to buy the first round for your boys. If you don't buy the first round cause a buddy beat you to it, buy the second round or third, etc.
88. If in a locker room, or other area where there are men lacking clothing, comments must never be made on another person's boxers or other undergarments, for it means that you were looking.
89. When one man gets laid, all mankind gets laid. Help your buddy close the deal using ANY means at your disposal.
90. Be wary of committing to chicks that have a lot of good-looking guy friends. However, a guy is encouraged to have many hot friends that are girls, not because you care about their friendship, but because hot girls have other hot friends that become viable targets for your pleasure.
90. If you and a buddy go out drinking and he comes back to your place and throws up you're not allowed to complain unless
a) the value of the property he threw up on is more than a hundred dollars total or
b) the stain isnt cleaned within 24 hours
91. The only thing a man can brag about what is the smallest, is his cell phone.
92. Maximum allowable time in a mall: 1 hour. Grocery Store: 10min, if you can find the way out.
93. You are not required to offer your bed to another guy, even if it means they sleep on the cold concrete floor
94. Skinny dipping with other guys is just wrong, unless there are chicks too, and you don’t look at your buddy.
95. Watching ESPN is a good enough excuse for just about anything, especially missing a date
96. Two guys must never sit together in the back seat of a car while it is off, unless the front seats are taken
97. When the ratio of guys to hot chicks at a party is 10:1, its time to go
98. Ordering pizza should take a max of 1 minute per pizza
99. If your TV breaks during the superbowl, it is perfectly acceptable to knock on a stranger’s door and ask to borrow their TV
Again if you have anything you think that should be added, please post up.. im sure theres some Motorcycle related ones we can conjure up.
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alex71783
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08-09-2015 02:18 PM
