KelKel

REAL LIFE COMPANY QUOTES

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the
winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, ElectricBoat
Company)

4. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)

5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one
will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on
it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know
when it's time to tell them. (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining and
Manufacturing 3M Corp.)

6. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that
only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged
and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.
(CIO of Dell Computers)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I
say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss
work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change
her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T
Long Lines Division)

10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This
is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the
subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

11. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would
be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager Hallmark Greeting
Cards.)

12. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body
of the memo one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical
approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed
the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR
director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted
me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she
wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophilia?) working in her company.
Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be
fired - and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was
fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary
and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not
to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the
entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be
found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A
month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created
my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
(Taco Bell Corporation)

NoShow

To much readin Ill take your word its funny....

KelKel

You usually do

Doris

haha that was hilarious!!!!!!!!