NoShow

A little something to waste 30 sec of your morning...

Rules for the typical redneck...
>In General...
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>1. Never take a beer to an interview.
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>2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
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>3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
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>4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
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>5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral..
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>Dining Out
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>1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
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>2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
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>Entertaining in your home
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>1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
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>2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
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>Personal Hygiene
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>1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
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>2 Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
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>3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
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>4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.
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>Dating (outside the family)
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>1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
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>2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."
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>3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
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>Theater Etiquette
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>1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
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>2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen.. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.
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>Weddings
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>1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
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>2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
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>3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
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>cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
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>4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
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>Driving Etiquette
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>1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
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>2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
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>3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
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>4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
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>5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession