Poptart1478

Oldie, but goodie

> TO MY DEAR WIFE:
>
> During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
> I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
> The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
>
> 54 times the sheets were clean
> 17 times it was too late
> 49 times you were too tired
> 20 times it was too hot
> 15 times you pretended to be sleep
> 22 times you had a headache
> 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> 16 times you said you were too sore
> 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> 19 times you had to get up early
> 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> 7 times you were sunburned
> 6 times you were watching the late show
> 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
> 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> 9 times you said your mother would hear us
>
> Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
>
> 6 times you just laid there
> 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
> 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
>
> KEEP READING.......
>
> ================================================== ===
>
>
> TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
>
> I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get
> more than you did:
>
> 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
> 36 times you did not come home at all
> 21 times you didn't come with energy
> 33 times you came too soon
> 19 times you went soft before you got in
> 38 times you worked too late
> 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the *****
> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> 20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day
> 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> 98 times you were too busy watching TV
>
> Of the times we did get together:
>
> The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
>
> I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you
> prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
>
> The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

s0nofg0d

ha i should give that to my friends fiance