Chuck Norris Facts......
01-15-2008, 11:55 PM
#1
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Posts: 507
Chuck Norris Facts......
Thought I would lighten up the mood round ere'.....
So here are some Chuck Norris facts.......
Years ago God called the 3 best fighters in the world......it was Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Arnold Swarzzaneger , He said i need someone to sit next to me and be my right hand man..... he said give me a reason why i should pick you...... Mr. T said pick me, i pitty the fool who dont pick me. God said your not good enough and sent him to hell.........Arnold said pick me im the Terminator.....God said your not good enough and sent him to hell......God then asked Chuck.....will you sit by myside........ Chuck then proceeded to slap him and said.....move your in my seat.........................
Some kids **** their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can **** his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 1899 8.341
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 1689 8.335
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2168 8.331
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 1275 8.318
Chuck Norris can speak braille. 1658 8.302
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. 1970 8.299
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. 443 8.242
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. 1426 8.197
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." 791 8.191
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". 1441 8.163
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. 647 8.134
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. 315 8.048
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. 2611 7.984
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 965 7.969
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. 641 7.952
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 1013 7.950
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 923 7.948
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 1005 7.917
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. 1060 7.875
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 1032 7.863
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef. 984 7.823
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. 949 7.783
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 798 7.703
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 780 7.672
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result. 1008 7.665
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 684 7.635
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 1013 7.607
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister. 712 7.587
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone. 802 7.571
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his *********, because hair does not grow on steel. 834 7.571
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. 819 7.570
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. 817 7.534
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. 899 7.491
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 582 7.491
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never ****s up. 797 7.488
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. 825 7.469
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. 888 7.444
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. 783 7.443
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. 708 7.400
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder. 412 7.391
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 352 7.375
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. 760 7.374
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins. 665 7.370
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. 729 7.358
When Chuck Norris goes cow-tipping, he lifts a cow up and drop kicks it into the neighboring farm. All the other cows simply tip themselves over to keep from having to walk back in the dark. 49 7.347
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. 548 7.323
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. 670 7.322
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano 44 7.318
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 719 7.317
Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism. 1039 7.312
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". 973 7.296
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. 615 7.294
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this. 674 7.274
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Jeep.
923 7.261
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. 644 7.261
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. 802 7.244
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. 608 7.237
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 659 7.208
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. 691 7.184
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. 795 7.176
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley. 194 7.160
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the **** out of the way. 458 7.159
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. 760 7.157
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life. 190 7.153
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that. 500 7.152
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 653 7.144
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. 691 7.127
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 752 7.124
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." 819 7.121
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further. 422 7.114
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is. 761 7.110
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please." 828 7.105
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. 678 7.094
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. 585 7.082
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a ***** would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery." 702 7.067
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 642 7.058
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 646 7.050
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims. 682 7.050
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his *****. 696 7.036
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil. 699 7.036
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you." 643 7.036
The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of ***** Chuck Norris eats.
So here are some Chuck Norris facts.......
Years ago God called the 3 best fighters in the world......it was Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Arnold Swarzzaneger , He said i need someone to sit next to me and be my right hand man..... he said give me a reason why i should pick you...... Mr. T said pick me, i pitty the fool who dont pick me. God said your not good enough and sent him to hell.........Arnold said pick me im the Terminator.....God said your not good enough and sent him to hell......God then asked Chuck.....will you sit by myside........ Chuck then proceeded to slap him and said.....move your in my seat.........................
Some kids **** their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can **** his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. 1899 8.341
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. 1689 8.335
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. 2168 8.331
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 1275 8.318
Chuck Norris can speak braille. 1658 8.302
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime. 1970 8.299
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. 443 8.242
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. 1426 8.197
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance." 791 8.191
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter". 1441 8.163
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle. 647 8.134
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves. 315 8.048
Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. 2611 7.984
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. 965 7.969
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin. 641 7.952
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. 1013 7.950
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. 923 7.948
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 1005 7.917
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. 1060 7.875
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas. 1032 7.863
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's ****ing beef. 984 7.823
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse. 949 7.783
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 798 7.703
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 780 7.672
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result. 1008 7.665
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 684 7.635
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 1013 7.607
If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister. 712 7.587
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take **** from anyone. 802 7.571
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his *********, because hair does not grow on steel. 834 7.571
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. 819 7.570
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. 817 7.534
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. 899 7.491
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. 582 7.491
Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never ****s up. 797 7.488
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. 825 7.469
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash. 888 7.444
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them. 783 7.443
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience. 708 7.400
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murdered in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder. 412 7.391
Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 352 7.375
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain. 760 7.374
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins. 665 7.370
Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants. 729 7.358
When Chuck Norris goes cow-tipping, he lifts a cow up and drop kicks it into the neighboring farm. All the other cows simply tip themselves over to keep from having to walk back in the dark. 49 7.347
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone. 548 7.323
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. 670 7.322
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano 44 7.318
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 719 7.317
Mr. T once defeated Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Chuck Norris invented racism. 1039 7.312
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies". 973 7.296
Chuck Norris can drown a fish. 615 7.294
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this. 674 7.274
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Jeep.
923 7.261
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. 644 7.261
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul. 802 7.244
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. 608 7.237
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 659 7.208
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. 691 7.184
Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris. 795 7.176
Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley. 194 7.160
Chuck Norris doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the **** out of the way. 458 7.159
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick. 760 7.157
Chuck Norris can make a paraplegic run for his life. 190 7.153
A rogue squirrel once challenged Chuck Norris to a nut hunt around the park. Before beginning, Chuck simply dropped his pants, instantly killing the squirrel and 3 small children. Chuck knows you can't find bigger, better nuts than that. 500 7.152
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 653 7.144
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake. 691 7.127
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 752 7.124
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." 819 7.121
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further. 422 7.114
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the **** Chuck Norris is. 761 7.110
When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please." 828 7.105
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things. 678 7.094
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet. 585 7.082
Chuck Norris was originally offered the role as Frodo in Lord of the Rings. He declined because, "Only a ***** would need three movies to destroy a piece of jewelery." 702 7.067
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 642 7.058
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. 646 7.050
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims. 682 7.050
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his *****. 696 7.036
Chuck Norris once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil. 699 7.036
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you." 643 7.036
The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of ***** Chuck Norris eats.
01-16-2008, 12:18 AM
#2
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Anchorage, alaska usa
Age: 39
Posts: 1,087
Re: Chuck Norris Facts......
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence. 443 8.242
lol
lol
01-16-2008, 12:22 AM
#4
retired postwhore
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: North Kansas City, MO
Age: 46
Posts: 1,145
01-16-2008, 12:37 AM
#10
retired postwhore
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: North Kansas City, MO
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Posts: 1,145
01-16-2008, 12:53 AM
#14
retired postwhore
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: North Kansas City, MO
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Posts: 1,145
01-16-2008, 12:57 AM
#15
da fiddy bitches!!!
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Austin, Tx
Age: 39
Posts: 15,816
Re: Chuck Norris Facts......
yeah... it has a clean title so i will be hittin the streets with it before too long but its gonna be a lot bike for awhile...
plus im just gonna streetfighter it
plus im just gonna streetfighter it
01-16-2008, 02:01 AM
#17
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Canandaigua NY
Age: 40
Posts: 309
Re: Chuck Norris Facts......
Yikes, that 6three6 looks kinda hammered. Hope that motor rebuild works out, or I hope the zipties were free at least.
Chuck Norris jokes cant not make you laugh.
Chuck Norris jokes cant not make you laugh.
