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John Kerry's Resume

NAME: John Kerry

RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).

EXPERIENCE:
Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to cut
every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of
Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby
endangering my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

MILITARY:
I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries to get
an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as
documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months).
I then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war,
and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities
and were baby killers. I served in Vietnam (four months). I threw my
medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book
"Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly
feel about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).

COLLEGE:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and did not get
admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A. I served (four months)
in Vietnam.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S. Congress and have been
there ever since. I have no real world experience except marrying very
rich women and running their companies vicariously through them. I
served in Vietnam (four months).

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal voting record,
exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have consistently
failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their budgets,
thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I voted
for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse to admit that I voted
for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no plan
to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am
elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).

My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart, George Bush, that he
will never catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and
have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts,
despite family wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam
(four months).

I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in
places like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the
cheaper cost of labor in those Countries, although I blame George Bush
for sending all of the other jobs out of Country. I served in Vietnam
(four months).

Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it
might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served
in Vietnam (four months).

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).

PERSONAL I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I
ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my Gulfstream V Jet
the "Flying Squirrel". I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley twin diesel
yacht the "Scarmouche".

I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and feel it reflects our real
culture. I believe Hollywood is the heart and soul of America.

I own several "Large" SUVs including one parked at my Nantucket summer
mansion, though I am against large, polluting, inefficient vehicles and
blame George Bush for our energy problems. I served in Vietnam (four
months).

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004, AND PLEASE PASS THE
INFORMATION ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!!

jbone

thats awesome i hate john kerry(for longer than 4 months)