What do you do with all that Spam e-mail?
11-07-2003, 02:46 PM
#1
I Enjoy Posting At StuntLife!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Ft. Laudy
Posts: 3,941
What do you do with all that Spam e-mail? I'm bored on Friday afternoon too, so I decided to do a little experiment. 
People often complain about getting spam in their email box. This is stupid. If I've learned anything from all of the devout Christians who email me each week-- aside from the fact that I'm going to burn in hell-- it's that everything happens for a reason. If you get an email, it's God's will. So, unlike the rest of you heathens, I've been taking the time to reply to all of these unsolicited emails, and you won't believe the bounty that I've reaped.
The first was from a woman named Doris from the Enlarge your ***** Alliance. She claimed that she could help me add up to 3 inches to the length of my *****. My first thought was, "What am I going to do with a 15 inch *****?" But who am I to question God's will? So I replied.
The second was for legal marijuana alternatives and herbal highs. Now I don't know about you, but my drug of choice is crack cocaine. But I was intrigued, and figured it was worth a shot. After all, the NEW 100% Legal Marijuana Alternatives like Blueberry Buds and Purple Haze Herbal Smoke were in stock NOW and ultra POTENT. So I replied.
The third one was from MJ32Misty who does not usually forward messages, but this was from her good friend Pearlas Sanborn and she really IS an attorney. It was about a little known beta test that Microsoft was running, where they paid you just to forward emails. Her brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. She showed Misty a check for the sum of $4,324.44, and it was stamped "Paid In Full". Now, I know Bill Gates personally, because we both take our dogs to the same spa for high colonics. We often chat while having our pubic hair tinted.
So I called him, and you know what? It was absolutely true. I just received MY first check for $4325.86 and it really was stamped "Paid In Full" just as I was promised!
But the most recent emails have been even more exciting. Here's a taste:
I AM DR OKAFOR JAMES SNR THE FINANCIAL CONTROLLER OF
NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION(NNPC)AND
BY THE VIRTUE AS A DIRECTOR IN THE NNPC LAGOS, I GOT YOUR
CONTACT ADDRESS FROM AN ASSOCIATE WORKING WITH THE
NIGERIAN EXPORT PROMOTION COUNCIL AND I DECIDED TO
PROPOSE TO YOU THIS BUSINESS IN STRICT CONFIDENCE.
I do know a lot of people who work with the Nigerian Export Promotion Council, so it would be hard to narrow it down to who turned these guys on to me. I have to respect their wishes, and keep their proposal in the strictest confidence, but let's just say they want to give me 25% of $20.5 million just for letting them deposit it in my account.
Then I received another email from a different Nigerian guy named
ENGR. MAC UCHI. He wants to give me 30% of $26.4 million for doing the very same thing. Are these Nigerians the most generous mother fucckers on the planet or what?
I just sent all of my banking information, along with turning over my power of attorney to those hard working Nigerians. It's been a couple weeks and I haven't heard back yet. But to be honest, I'm too busy playing with my enormous *****, and getting wasted on my high quality, totally legal, herbal marijuana to really care.
People often complain about getting spam in their email box. This is stupid. If I've learned anything from all of the devout Christians who email me each week-- aside from the fact that I'm going to burn in hell-- it's that everything happens for a reason. If you get an email, it's God's will. So, unlike the rest of you heathens, I've been taking the time to reply to all of these unsolicited emails, and you won't believe the bounty that I've reaped.
The first was from a woman named Doris from the Enlarge your ***** Alliance. She claimed that she could help me add up to 3 inches to the length of my *****. My first thought was, "What am I going to do with a 15 inch *****?" But who am I to question God's will? So I replied.
The second was for legal marijuana alternatives and herbal highs. Now I don't know about you, but my drug of choice is crack cocaine. But I was intrigued, and figured it was worth a shot. After all, the NEW 100% Legal Marijuana Alternatives like Blueberry Buds and Purple Haze Herbal Smoke were in stock NOW and ultra POTENT. So I replied.
The third one was from MJ32Misty who does not usually forward messages, but this was from her good friend Pearlas Sanborn and she really IS an attorney. It was about a little known beta test that Microsoft was running, where they paid you just to forward emails. Her brother's girlfriend got in on this a few months ago. She showed Misty a check for the sum of $4,324.44, and it was stamped "Paid In Full". Now, I know Bill Gates personally, because we both take our dogs to the same spa for high colonics. We often chat while having our pubic hair tinted.
So I called him, and you know what? It was absolutely true. I just received MY first check for $4325.86 and it really was stamped "Paid In Full" just as I was promised!
But the most recent emails have been even more exciting. Here's a taste:
I AM DR OKAFOR JAMES SNR THE FINANCIAL CONTROLLER OF
NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION(NNPC)AND
BY THE VIRTUE AS A DIRECTOR IN THE NNPC LAGOS, I GOT YOUR
CONTACT ADDRESS FROM AN ASSOCIATE WORKING WITH THE
NIGERIAN EXPORT PROMOTION COUNCIL AND I DECIDED TO
PROPOSE TO YOU THIS BUSINESS IN STRICT CONFIDENCE.
I do know a lot of people who work with the Nigerian Export Promotion Council, so it would be hard to narrow it down to who turned these guys on to me. I have to respect their wishes, and keep their proposal in the strictest confidence, but let's just say they want to give me 25% of $20.5 million just for letting them deposit it in my account.
Then I received another email from a different Nigerian guy named
ENGR. MAC UCHI. He wants to give me 30% of $26.4 million for doing the very same thing. Are these Nigerians the most generous mother fucckers on the planet or what?
I just sent all of my banking information, along with turning over my power of attorney to those hard working Nigerians. It's been a couple weeks and I haven't heard back yet. But to be honest, I'm too busy playing with my enormous *****, and getting wasted on my high quality, totally legal, herbal marijuana to really care.
11-07-2003, 03:30 PM
#3
I Have Too Much Free Time
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Diddleboro , MA
Age: 45
Posts: 12,735
My favorite thing to do:
i get a ton of credit card applications w/ pre-paid envelopes back to the company. Heres what ya do.
Mail them back random things. other company credit card applications, dirty tampon's. anything. its hilarious.
i get a ton of credit card applications w/ pre-paid envelopes back to the company. Heres what ya do.
Mail them back random things. other company credit card applications, dirty tampon's. anything. its hilarious.
11-08-2003, 11:53 AM
#7
bp chaser
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: LI, NY and I drive in Australia
Age: 47
Posts: 85,372
Originally posted by 1000ceecee
My favorite thing to do:
i get a ton of credit card applications w/ pre-paid envelopes back to the company. Heres what ya do.
Mail them back random things. other company credit card applications, dirty tampon's. anything. its hilarious.
My favorite thing to do:
i get a ton of credit card applications w/ pre-paid envelopes back to the company. Heres what ya do.
Mail them back random things. other company credit card applications, dirty tampon's. anything. its hilarious.
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